Recently, I've had to evaluate my lines... You know, those lines that I won't cross or when other people cross them, it's really bad. I get really upset, whiny and sometimes shrill. I have them... Everyone has them... But why have I had to think about this? Well, let me tell you a story...
My best friend recently started a business with her boyfriend. This was not only to fulfill his career dream, but also to have something important to do together. It was supposed to be a bonding experience. But soon, it got out of control. He contracted to take on an apprentice, arranged for a front office worker that wasn't needed yet, and started running the business before the business license was completely in place OR they were taking in any money. It was really stressing my friend out but she anticipated it getting better once the start-up period was over.
Unfortunately, it's been a month and it hasn't gotten better. He spends all of his time at the shop, leaving his daughter with my friend and her 12 year old all day, every day. Not only that but he, his daughter, the apprentice, and the apprentice's boyfriend are living in her house! Add to that the demands and disrespect her employees are showing her as well as being children and whining to the boyfriend about how she's not nice enough to them. It's wearing thin and I think she may have a psychotic break soon if she can't do something about it. Then add to that the boyfriend's insistance that her issues would be better if she would come to the shop and hang out so she could know everyone and they could know her. He doesn't acknowledge that would be her fourth job... regular job, mother/housekeeper, owner of the business and "friend" to the employees.
I think she would have continued on, swallowing much of her irritation and trying to make the best of it until he decided to "take a break" from their relationship. That's where her line was. She'd do anything for someone she loves and who she believes is committed to her. But now it seems as if she was conned into giving him everything he wanted and then kicked to the curb. To be honest, my line would have been when he started conducting business without the legal releases, but we're different people. However, I do get to hear about it a lot and provide a sounding board for her. But I'm getting really angry... At them for doing this to her... and to her for letting them and burying her head in the sand hoping it will miraculously go away. She is stuck in her lease for a year, so she has to do something... But tonight I spent a couple of hours down there, comforting her and her child, and I don't think anything's going to change. My line is drawing near... I'm a ticking time bomb and she isn't going to like it when I blow.
Now, let's be honest. This is an extreme example, but I have to determine where my line in the sand is... At work... At home... And with all of my relationships. Sometimes I allow myself to get my feelings hurt and it's hard to get past it. But then I have to think... Where's that line I've drawn? Is this the last stand that I'm willing to take? The point where I can take no more? Am I willing to potentially ruin this relationship (which it usually is) over this?
We all have lines to draw. If we understand that, we'll also know that my line isn't your line. But the question you have to ask yourself is "Is it worth it?" You may be totally right in your feelings... but is it worth the damage you would likely do if you hold fast and in return hurt someone else's feelings? Ultimately, what do you want out of life and your relationships? Do you want a happy and close-knit family? Do you want friends that you can rely on? Do you want a calm and peaceful home life? Make your line in the sand... but remember, you can always erase it. That's why it's in sand.
I love you all. It's been a tough year and I don't see it easing off soon, but I know we can make it if we'll stand together. That's when we're strongest.
